you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
