Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
