ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
