Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
