I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
