i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
