I just threw up on my dentist
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
