I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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