Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
