Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
