I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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