Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
