You're my little dorito
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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