Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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