So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He passed out mid-signature
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
