used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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