road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
