I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
