Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
