i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
