How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
