There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't notice because vodka
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would fuck him just for his dog
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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