Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
