I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just invented taco cereal.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
