Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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