omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
