I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
