I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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