You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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