i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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