There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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