He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
