jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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