told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
