I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
