im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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