D3 body, D1 cock
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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