so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
