Got a toothbrush?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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