I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
