I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
