What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
