Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
