doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
