i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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