i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
