She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
