you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
