Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
