I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
