i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
