she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We are all done wearing pants today
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
