Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
