Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
