My sheets look like a crime scene.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
