It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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