She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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