party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
