I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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