In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
