I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
