I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
