Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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