Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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