she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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