Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
