We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
