I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
