I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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