Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
