Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
