i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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