he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
