Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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