Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
