my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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