They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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