I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
