I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
